I wrote the below for my brother Paul who asked me to stand with him at his wedding and speak over and into him and his now wife, Deborah. I was honored to do so. Here is what I said:

Paul and Deborah
August 16, 2014

I want to welcome everyone for being here to rejoice with Paul and Deborah in this celebration of their union.  For those who don’t know, I am one of Paul’s brothers and I am thrilled that I could stand up here with them for this ceremony. 

A wedding is and should be a celebration. Those that don’t take the time to really read the bible might be surprised to know that Jesus loved a good party. What He was all about, what He has always been about, is relationships and fellowship; and what a better way to fellowship and celebrate than at a wedding.

Paul, Deborah, I want to share three stories with you; each of these a story of great love. It is my wish, hope and prayer that you and everyone here will listen carefully as these stories unfold. Listen to and soak in the true nature of what real love is all about. There are many love stories I could have chosen, but these three in particular have greatly impacted me personally and I believe they can impact you equally as well.

The Apostle Paul says, in the book of 1 Corinthians that:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.   1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Marriage needs to be built on that kind of love. These three stories I am about to share exemplify that type of love; an unconditional love that does not say “I love you because” or “I’ll love you if”, but one that says, “I love you… no matter what!”

The first of these three great loves I want to address is one that is deeply personal to me because it involves my wife, Mirka.

It would be a disservice to her and dishonoring to our marriage if I were to share with you some of the crap that she has endured from me though some of our 29 years together and crap is indeed the correct term. Yet she showed unconditional love for me when it would have been so much easier for her to walk away. The hurt and the pain I caused her had to be unbearable at times, of this I am quite convinced and still she chose to love me. She showed the love that the Corinthians passage talks about; always trusting, always hoping, always protecting, always persevering, and keeping no record of wrongs. When I see her, I see my Savior. All I can see is her deep love for Christ and the benefit I receive because of that love. Because of her unconditional love for me, it inspires me to love her back in the same way.
I love you Mirka!

The next story concerns our parents Paul. Anyone here today that knows them knows that theirs is indeed a great love story. In fact, a week from today, mom and dad will be celebrating their 66^th wedding anniversary. What a testimony and an example to enduring love!

As much as I know they both love each other deeply, I want to focus more on mom’s love for dad. 

It is easy to say you love someone and it is quite another thing when that love is tested. As much as it was not a test Mirka wanted to go through, she demonstrated her love for me while I was not very lovable. In a different kind of way, but testing nonetheless, mom has had her love tested in having to help care for dad.  When someone you love is injured or sick or disabled or infirmed, it does not matter what the issue is, love that is real and that is genuine means that you are going to be there to do whatever it takes to assist that person you love.

Being away from PA these past 15 years, I don’t get to see mom and dad interact as much as I would like, but one thing I do take notice of when I am there and that is the interaction and love they have for each other and especially mom’s love for dad.

There are selfish people out in the world who in similar circumstances might say that they have their own medical issues and problems that they needed to deal with and might only give superficial attention to their partner. Not mom!! She does indeed have her own medical issues and problems, yet she dotes over dad like they were still dating. She cares for him even though he cannot really reciprocate. She knows that true love is patient and kind and she knows it is not self-seeking or proud. She rejoices in the truth of her love for her husband and she is another clear demonstration of Christ for me.

The last of these three love stories is the greatest love story ever told; the greatest love story that will ever come to pass. This love was fully demonstrated on a wooden cross, erected in Judea some 2000 years ago.

Jesus said this in the book of John, “Greater love has no man than this… that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

When He was born, there was one goal, one objective and one purpose for Jesus, and that was the cross. He willingly chose to bear the full wrath of God, who demands payment, perfect payment, for a debt we could never repay. Perfection that we cannot give, but He could.

In the book of Romans it says this:

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5: 7-9

In fact, it goes on to say a few verses later that God considered us to be His enemies. That is how He viewed us. And even though we were His enemies, He still chose to die for us so that we could be reconciled back to Him.

When we say that God is love…. this is the full demonstration of that love!

There is nothing we can do to earn His love, nothing that we can do to make us good enough to deserve that love. Yet he chooses to love us….not because we are good enough, (because we can never be), not if we will do something or be something for Him, because there is nothing we have that is good enough for Him. He loves us….no matter what! He cannot love us any more than He does already, and He refuses to love us any less.

What should our response be to such a great love? How do you respond to someone who you are enemies with, and yet chooses to die in your place for wrongs you have committed?

The bible is very clear at what our response should be. When asked by a Roman jailer what he needed to do to be saved, the Apostle Paul gave this response, “Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” Acts 16:31

In fact, prior to his death, in the book of John, someone came up to Jesus and asked Him, “Rabbi, what good work must we do, to do the work that God requires?”

Isn't it human nature that we always feel the need to pay our fair share and do our part? What good work can we do to make God happy? (and thus feel like we did our part)

Jesus’s response was similar to Paul’s. He said this:

“The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6:28-29

All the effort, all the work was done by Jesus. It cost Him everything. The very truest nature of love; giving our all for someone we love. There is nothing we can do and nothing He would accept. We can’t be good enough, because we can’t be perfect. That was what was demanded, a perfect sacrifice.

So again, what then should our response be to so great a love? All we can do is accept and receive that free gift that cost Him so much. Trusting the Lord for our salvation is the only thing that we can do and the only thing that saves us from an eternity of separation from Him. It is the only thing that He will accept. It is my extreme hope and prayer that this is something everyone within earshot of my voice will want to seriously consider and accept on their own.

This love that Christ has for people is reflected in what He calls the Church. The Church is not a building. It is the body of believers who have placed their faith in Christ for their salvation. In fact, the bible is very clear that it is for the Church that He died. There is some Scripture that I want to read to you and then afterwards, I want to challenge you to live up to what is said.

In chapter 4 of the book of Ephesians, while in a Roman jail, the Apostle Paul penned these words:        

Ephesians 4:1-3
Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

He then says in the next chapter:

So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the times are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Stop getting drunk with wine, which leads to wild living, but keep on being filled with the Spirit. Then you will recite to one another psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs; you will sing and make music to the Lord with your hearts; you will consistently give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus, Christ; and you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is he who is the Savior of the body. Indeed, just as the church is submissive to Christ, so wives must be submissive to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, so that he might make it holy by cleansing it, washing it with water and the word, and might present the church to himself in all its glory, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind, but holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, as Christ does the church.

For we are parts of his body—of his flesh and of his bones. “That is why a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. But each individual man among you must love his wife as he loves himself; and may the wife respect her husband. Ephesians 5:16-33

He says that “this is a great mystery”; that a man and woman can be one flesh. But he says this union is an analogy for Christ and His bride, the Church.

In this, he tells a man and his wife how they are to interact with each other. This interaction is also an example and analogy of Christ and His bride.

My challenge to you Deborah is to honor Paul, respect him and submit to the God given headship he has been given in this marriage. Submission for all of us is pleasing to the Lord. We are told to submit to one another as we in turn submit to the Lord.

I know one of the things Paul and I got from our father is the fondness to quote lines from movies when an opportune moment arises. With that said, in the movie Patton, General Patton was leading his 3^rd Army across France under dire circumstances, General Omar Bradley is looking at a newspaper that says, “Patton Dashes Across France; 3^rd Army Bags 20,000 Germans”

Bradley says to one of his officers, “Give George a headline, and he's good for another 30 miles.”

It’s that move quote I want you to pay attention to Deborah. Men, whether we want to admit it or not, have fragile egos. The fuel that makes our engine run is recognition and support especially from the one that we have decided to make our mate.  You have the ability with your words alone to build up Paul or tear him down. I charge you and challenge you to build Paul up as often as possible, There will inevitably be issues and problems; work them out between the two of you and not to your friends or others. To your friends and others, tell them how much you love Paul and even brag about him. Let him know that you respect him and cherish him. Let him find out from others that you talk about him in a positive way. Give him a headline and he will easily go another 30 miles for you.

Paul, you have the more difficult part of this relationship. Your charge is to love Deborah like Christ loved the church. He gave His life for her. You need to love Deborah that way. Don’t forget, Jesus died for us while we were still His enemies; when we were unlovable. You therefore need to love her even if she becomes unlovable.  You need to love her with the kind of love that is reflective of Christ; willing to die for her. If you love her like that, I can guarantee you Deborah will have no issue submitting to your headship and respecting you and bragging about you and giving you that headline.

It says in the book of Proverbs:

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Paul, you have found favor from the Lord because you have found a good thing in Deborah. Love her, cherish her, listen to her opinion. I tell you that I get more sound advice from Mirka than from anyone else. Please allow her to speak into you and in return love her unconditionally.

With that, Paul and Deborah are now going to exchange vows to each other